Camp Description

CAMP DESCRIPTION

Achievement Objectives:

Purposes and audiences

• Show a developing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.
• INDICATORS:
• –  constructs texts that show a growing awareness of purpose and audience through careful choice of content, language, and text form;
• –  conveys and sustains personal voice where appropriate.

Ideas

Select, form, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.

INDICATORS:

• –  forms and expresses ideas and information with increased clarity, drawing on a range of sources;
• –  adds or changes details and comments to support ideas, showing some selectivity in the process;
• –  ideas suggest awareness of a range of dimensions or viewpoints.

Language features

Use language features appropriately, showing a developing understanding of their effects.

• INDICATORS:
• –  uses oral, written, and visual language features to create meaning and effect and engage interest;
• –  uses a range of vocabulary to communicate meaning;
• –  demonstrates good understanding of all basic spelling patterns and sounds in written English;
• –  uses an increasing range of strategies to self-monitor and self-correct spelling;
• –  writes legibly, fluently, and with ease when creating texts;
• –  uses a range of text conventions, including most grammatical conventions, appropriately and with increasing accuracy.

Structure

• Show a developing understanding of text structures.
• INDICATORS:
• –  understands that the order and organisation of words, sentences, paragraphs, and images contribute to and affect text meaning;
• –  identifies a range of text forms and recognises some of their characteristics and conventions.
• 
  

Motivation:

• Write a description about one event/experience from camp.

Key outcomes:

• To hook the reader in with an interesting beginning
• A variety of sentence starters
• A variety of sentence lengths - simple/compound/complex
• Edit and rework
• Effective peer checking and feedback

My draft and editing:

Published writing:

As Mr Henderson called out the activities,I was as fidgety as a pack of jumping beans while I waited impatiently for my instructor to escort us to the giant swing. As we gradually got closer the nerves started to build and my legs started to give way. Wyatt our instructor gave us a safety briefing and then asked who was brave enough to go first! I volunteered to go second and then I slowly started to regret my decision. My harness was done up so tight I looked like the hunchback of notre dam. I stumbled with anticipation to the ladder and I slowly start to step up the ladder one foot then another. I'm was finally at the top of what looked ginormous ladder about to be strapped on to this contraption. My team pull me up for what felt like ages as I watched my feet dangle above disappearing ground. My heart pounded at my chest as I rotate my body towards the spoon of worries and tug it... WHOOSH, I yelp as I'm free falling to certain death. I could see the harbour from where I was seated. Finally the thought of falling had now faded as I swung to safety...

My reflection and next step: I like the way I used lots of descriptive words in my story.
I also like the way how I stuck to past tense.
One thing I could work on is adding more similes.